If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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