I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
