dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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