Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
