you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
foreskin is a definite game changer
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
