remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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