last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
