I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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