We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize