One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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