Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
