Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
