i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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