Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
