we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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