we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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