I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
