I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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