Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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