I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he shaved USA in his pubs
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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