I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
