i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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