We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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