Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
