Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
