thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
