Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
