Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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