I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
