i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
