every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
