i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
