he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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