i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
