Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
