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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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