We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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