Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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