it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
