Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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