I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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