Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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