you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I want her autograph on my taint
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
FUCK WHALES
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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