Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
