I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
