I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
