I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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