just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
