I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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