just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
