it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
