Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
