my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
