So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
