i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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