Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
