I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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