sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize