I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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