Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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