I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
