It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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