i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
