ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They are going to name an STD after you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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