something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize