My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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