just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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