chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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