you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
two words...techno handjob
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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